Welcome back! This is my first blog post that I am writing now that I am fifteen!
Today was a very interesting day.. It was my birthday! I love and hate having birthdays.
I love the excitement that you get when you wake up and you know exactly what day it is, or the looking at the clock impatiently at 11:50pm while you are lying in your bed listening to music knowing exactly that in ten minutes you will be a different age. Except I was also thinking when it is midnight does that mean I have officially turned a different age even if I was born at 8:17am? (Yes, I had that thought at exactly 12:02am).
My hate for birthdays is the fact that I am aging, and I don't want to. Seriously, can't I just stay fifteen forever? Or the fact that I always cry on my birthday. Always. Ever since the day I turned 7, I have always cried on my birthday. Not just that it is always at the end of the day, when I finally get time to just sit in my room and let everything sink in, and I allow my thoughts to spiral on forever until I can’t take it anymore and a singular teardrop falls (it is always just one, max four teardrops). But it is a weird feeling, like why am I crying on my birthday? At the same time it makes me feel good in a way...
If you are wondering, I did cry today. Twice. Once when I read my moms Instagram post, and my dads Instagram post in the middle of my choir class. The second one was before I started writing this, I had just gotten off a call with a certain someone and it made me feel happy but then…the spiraling thoughts of my birthday and of EVERYTHING in my life hit me. And my singular teardrop came in to say hello.
Besides that, these past two birthdays (14,15) I have had something new and special that I do. Last year it was getting to eat cake with my hands and really getting that teenage angst out of my system. This year it was my flower crown, symbolizing my matureness, the start of a fresh new era, and my elegance that I am incorporating into my life. So, now that I have had two consecutive birthdays with something new every time, I want to make a birthday tradition for myself. Each year I will create something different for my birthday, whether it is making something for myself or getting even more creative with my pictures!
Apart from all of this has anyone also noticed that 15 is considered THE age? In any coming out of age movie, or those cute teen rom-coms, the characters are always 15. An example could be in Almost Famous where we see William experience being a journalist by going on tour with a band. They say a coming out of age movie is where something happens in a character's life that changes their perspective in life, deepening their character, and making them more mature. They make fifteen seem like the golden days for teenage girls...and if you are in a Sofia Coppola movie then sure...? So far I think it is true. I mean I am fifteen, and that is so hard for me to believe. It is like I am halfway through becoming 30..oh god. I have also heard this from my whole family who wished me a happy birthday, they kept saying that I am now in my most beautiful stage of my life and that I should enjoy it. And I will most definitely do that, by pretending I am in a Sofia Coppola film. Except instead of sitting in a bath tub contemplating my impulsive decisions or distancing myself from people I will be doing all of that in my pool instead because I don't have a bath tub. I will enjoy everything that I can now that I am fifteen. Learn to drive. Work at a cafe. Have a Quinceanera party. That is all I can think of so far for what I can do now but I will come up with a list!
Before I end this blog post I want to thank everyone for the birthday wishes! I had so much fun going through everyone's text and also hearing from people I haven't seen in a long time. Thank you. I am hoping you all have a great weekend.
Bye Bye
XoXo, Maria E.V
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